A truck parked beside us with like six torchlight pointing at us… Permit me to curse? I was like what the actual flipping fuck? The great Nigerian police force, seven officers in a truck; Apparently police is not your friend, can you imagine? Please can your friend do this type of thing to you?

Tara quickly wore my t-shirt and I was there in my singlet like okay shit is about to get real. P.s we were just making out, I was sucking brezz. Really awkward scenario, Tara starts laughing; I’m just looking at her like, bitch what? Police said “Oga, come down. Small boy like you dey romance for here”. “You dey do sex. You dey follow mekwe”. The police men had no sense of chill. I felt like coming out of my skin, I waited all summer for this moment. “Where your license and particulars? You get fire extinguisher? I show them the license and everything and they said “But this particulars na photocopy. Make we go station”. It was not security wise to fight them at 9 pm in a secluded area. I had no cash on me except my debit card, I could have easily given them 1k but Tbh I did nothing wrong.

I was not about to carry Tara to a police station, luckily for me, I spot this ‘Emirates’ hotel close by. I gave tara my wallet and ATM password and I told her to get something to eat and wait in the hotel’s bar. Police did not give me breathing space, one of them entered my car and they said I should go with them. I giggled and I was like “Oya na”. I played one of Timaya’s jams of that summer, I was just nodding to it and the officer must’ve suspected I was mad. We got to the station in less than five mins and they all gather around me. I found the whole thing interesting cos I had no money for them and I had a plan too. I asked them what my offense was and one of them said “adulteration of public space”. I pretended to be making a call and one of them was like, “who are you calling? If you like call Goodluck Jonathan,” I said “oga no vex oh, Na my fiancee papa dey call me, them go soon close gate of Abacha barracks”

At that point they knew that her dad was in the military, they were already arguing among themselves. They also figured she was my wife to be, so it was perfectly fine to “mekwe”. I was forming unlooking… I waited for them to come to a conclusion. I went back to sit on the car, and I called Tara… She sounded displeased and she put up this weird attitude, she was like “bye I’m sleepy”. She hung up on me and it felt like I was dipped in ice cold water. Father lord, I was about to kill a Nigerian officer; how will a fellow man cause my blue balls? I quickly acted like it was her dad that hung up on me, ahhh!! See police men rushing to me…

They gave me my license and they told two officers to follow me to find Tara. I went back to the bar looking for bae, she had left the bar; nowhere to be found.. Father lord, kuku kill me. I called her number and it was switched off, I was scared and petrified at the same time. I asked the bartenders if they saw her and they said “No, She just bought red wine and left”. My face was drawing like okro soup, I was already praying to God. I just sat down at the bar, I was almost suicidal; like, what did I do to life?

I received a message that said “ask the receptionist for the key to room 352” that was hard to comprehend for a minute. I maintained my calm, I felt like Denzel Washington after killing the antagonist, just bouncing down the isle. The room was really dark and looking for her was another puzzle… But a lady drunk in wine is never too hard to find, she had just my shirt on too…

Let’s leave the details for some other time!

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